Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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