I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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