I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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