I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize