So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
