Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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