my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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