My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
