dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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