i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
