I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
