Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
