i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize