Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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