Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
