I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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