I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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