Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
