Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
