My nipple is on Facebook.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
