You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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