Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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