He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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