I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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