Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
