Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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