Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
