i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
