She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
