I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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