There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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