I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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