I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pants are for mortals
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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