I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it hurts more in the daytime
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
