Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
