She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
