I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
