david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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