yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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