apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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