I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
