No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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