Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
