No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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