At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
