i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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