God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
