my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
