a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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