I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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