i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
