Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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