Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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