Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
