his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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