I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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