You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
