Got a toothbrush?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
